Freedom and Independence Mental Health

I Had To Walk A Rocky Path, To Get To Where I Am

I got here, today, now, by putting one foot in front of the other. Well, sometimes crawling, dancing, skipping, and falling off a cliff.

Life throws everything at us, in dribs and drabs or as a water balloon hitting the target at a dunk tank, immersing us, drowning us, drenching.

I went through life joyously dancing the Samba, or writhing, parched for a drop of hope in a desert of despair.

I have had time-outs, experienced being fired; numerous times, and rode a wave of creating revolutionary special interest tours: which didn’t pan out, and left me bereft.

I have stayed awake for years, closing my eyes for an hour, only to bounce back up with burning eyes in a painful body. Sleep eluded me.

I have crashed, remaining in bed for weeks, burrowed into my covers, blocking out life. Hopeless.

Shutting out the world.

I have barreled on in warp-speed with pressured speech and frantic gestures, grasping in a scattered mind.

I have slowed to a crawl, unable to understand simple sentences, or write my name recognizably. Not caring which day it is.

And, I lost my mind, losing me in the process.

I searched 6 counties for help and was finally deemed worthy. I had to qualify by falling off that cliff.

I have found love and blossomed. Finally becoming the person I always tried to be.

In recovering, I had to recover my spirit, not my ways. Get rid of my baggage.

My life, now, is a spectacular whirl of color and music.

A writing practice, a memoir. Or two.

Long walks snapping stories with my camera.

Clinking glasses. Watching sunsets.

Immersing myself in Mexico time. Slow and easy.

We have made plans for a brilliant future, and I embrace all that interests me.

I have a partner that accepts.

I didn’t fall into my bliss haphazardly. I did the work, made the hard decisions, put in the time, and opened my mind to change. And then I jumped.

This time with a parachute.

I got back to “normal,” but normal had matured. I had to remove the cancerous parts of me. The dangerous habits that didn’t work.

Now normal means contentment and discovery. Strong hugs.

I had to develop a blueprint by simplifying, honing the craft of a life that works.

In other words, I had to let myself breathe.

I had tried the tidal wave.

Now, I had to concentrate on building my shore.

Climbing the mountain, reaching the top, I see a vista full of possibilities.

And I fly.

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